I used to be one of those moms that was semi-critical of the practice of making bedtime a long event instead of being able to put your kids down and divying out consistent punishments for getting out of bed. My kids were ferberized and knew that getting out of bed once put down was a quick way to get things taken away. The moms that I feel most closely share my parenting ideals agree with this practice.
2 years ago, my then 3 year old had one of those normal set-backs where he was afraid to go to bed. This was typically when another dose of ferberizing would begin. But for some reason, I had the STRONGEST DESIRE to sit next to his bed and stroke his hair to sleep...and then the night after that, and then the night after that. I could tell that fear was no longer the issue, but that both of my kids liked having me spend that quiet time of the day with them. No tv's, no music, no toys, just quiet back scratches. And surprisingly, I found that I was looking forward to that part of the day as well.
Though I still ferberize during the night to get my kids to sleep through the night (because my sleep is as important to me as the air I breathe) and I put my kids down at a very regular and scheduled bedtime so I can get some down time with my husband, I don't ferberize at bedtime and don't get upset with kids who sneak into bed with us in the wee small hours of the morning...with the caveat that they don't wake me up! I'm crotchety like that.
Needless to say, I was way too embarrassed to admit this to my ferberizing friends and family. It's at the top of the no-no list. To this day, I avoid telling people that our nightly ritual (when feasible) is nightly back scratches and snuggles (or "nuggles" Perrin up until recently called them). I guess I engrained this philosophy way too deeply into my subconscious to let it go easily. I am still way too embarrassed to admit it.
Why? Is this really so bad? Why do I feel like I have to defend myself? Am I doing some kind of damage to my boys? Maybe this seems overly dramatic but these questions surface on a regular basis. And they are not rhetorical questions.
I know that my boys will eventually grow out of the phase of wanting me to snuggle them (hopefully not anytime too soon) and I cannot seem to help but sneak every opportunity to have that quiet time with these otherwise not-so-affectionate, rowdy boys.
